Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
