Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
