Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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