just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
