Have you finally orgasmed yet?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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