There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Randomize
