He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
