i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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