clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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