Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
