You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
