My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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