A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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