dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
