I'm drive I can fine osifer
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
