do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
