drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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