A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
