I just threw up on my dentist
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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