i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
