i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
