nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
