there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
