i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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