More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
