Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
