All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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