I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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