He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
