i think i have two assholes
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
