Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
