he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
