i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He uses pillows to masturbate.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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