Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
