I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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