I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize