I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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