oh god the rape fog is back!
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
