i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
