Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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