his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
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It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
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I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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