i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
