so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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