I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
