Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
NoShamevember. You game?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
