dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
