I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
