I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
