Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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