Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
