he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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