I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
