I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
