I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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