New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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