What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize