Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
