She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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