I wanna passion pit in your ass
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
