Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
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