at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
