You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
