also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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