DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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