my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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