...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
