Plan B is the new Plan A
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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