He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
