She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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