The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
