She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
