So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
