I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
