I'm going to jail i love you
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
