You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
