I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
